Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Number 11

Stocking stuffers are the hardest things to consider when giving Santa clues for Christmas gifts.  They have to be small enough to fit into a stocking that would, let’s be honest, fit a very large footed person, and, big enough to be exciting.  Will had the fantastic idea  for a stocking stuffer this past Christmas, that goes by the name of, “Flarp!”, aka…noise putty, aka…flatulence flubber.  You know what I’m talking about.  It’s kind of like silly putty in a play-doh cup.  It makes vulgar, yet, hilarious noises when you push on it.  Flatulence flubber, yep, that’s the best way to describe it.

While putting my sweet angel son to bed tonight, I stepped on what felt like, a small rock.  In actuality, it was dried up flatulence flubber.  It took a while for me to figure out that this small, hard, GROSS, piece of hard green solid wasn’t a booger (gag), but a piece of dried flatulence flubber that had been mistakenly left out of it’s home.  After kissing my angel goodnight, and him telling me that he forgot to poop before bed (lovely), I thought, “this hard, old, dried up, flatulence flubber is going straight to the trash”.  I was about to throw it straight in the trash, and then I thought how much it reminded me of tonight’s events.  Stick with me…

As I started number 11(do a split) of my list, I realized how much I had in common with the dried up flatulence flubber.  I started with slow, steady stretches to begin preparation for doing this split.  As I discovered that I could only reach the top of my thigh while stretching, I realized that I was no Jessie Spano.  I wonder if she had this much trouble preparing for her challenging, and, thought-provoking role in Showgirls.  This was going to take a lot of work.  This may just be the first thing on my list that I start, and also, the very last thing I accomplish…hopefully. 

Back to the flubber.  I like to think that about 5, ok, maybe more like 10 years ago, I was somewhat “fit”.  Hmmmm.  Not so much, anymore.  My muscles are exactly like a piece of dried up, compact, flatulence flubber.  In it’s “hey day”, they were quite the smooth gift.  Now, my muscles seem more like flatulence flubber after being left out and unused for some time.  Hard, immobile, compact, and a waste…something that you step on and immediately look at, and shake your head, while picking it up and sending it straight to the trash, which, by the way, is exactly what I began to do.  That is, til I realized, the flatulence flubber, is me…in a sense.  It was once smooth, new, and entertaining.  Now it was all old, dried up, no fun at all anymore.  NO!!!  There had to be a way to redeem this dried up flubber.

So, after much thought, I called on some good ol’ olive oil.  Hey, what do ya know, a little olive oil brought that dried up flatulence flubber right back to life.

Moral of the story…Number 11 is gonna take a lot of work.  But, I’m not too old and dried up quite yet to complete this task.  It’s just gonna take a little work to get my muscles, and myself going again.  And, a little olive oil won’t hurt either J


  1. LOL! Oh Jenn...I just love your randomness!

  2. I can totally relate. Add 14 more years to that flubber and you'll know what dried up really means! :) Good post. And good luck with the splits!