Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Number 11

Stocking stuffers are the hardest things to consider when giving Santa clues for Christmas gifts.  They have to be small enough to fit into a stocking that would, let’s be honest, fit a very large footed person, and, big enough to be exciting.  Will had the fantastic idea  for a stocking stuffer this past Christmas, that goes by the name of, “Flarp!”, aka…noise putty, aka…flatulence flubber.  You know what I’m talking about.  It’s kind of like silly putty in a play-doh cup.  It makes vulgar, yet, hilarious noises when you push on it.  Flatulence flubber, yep, that’s the best way to describe it.

While putting my sweet angel son to bed tonight, I stepped on what felt like, a small rock.  In actuality, it was dried up flatulence flubber.  It took a while for me to figure out that this small, hard, GROSS, piece of hard green solid wasn’t a booger (gag), but a piece of dried flatulence flubber that had been mistakenly left out of it’s home.  After kissing my angel goodnight, and him telling me that he forgot to poop before bed (lovely), I thought, “this hard, old, dried up, flatulence flubber is going straight to the trash”.  I was about to throw it straight in the trash, and then I thought how much it reminded me of tonight’s events.  Stick with me…

As I started number 11(do a split) of my list, I realized how much I had in common with the dried up flatulence flubber.  I started with slow, steady stretches to begin preparation for doing this split.  As I discovered that I could only reach the top of my thigh while stretching, I realized that I was no Jessie Spano.  I wonder if she had this much trouble preparing for her challenging, and, thought-provoking role in Showgirls.  This was going to take a lot of work.  This may just be the first thing on my list that I start, and also, the very last thing I accomplish…hopefully. 

Back to the flubber.  I like to think that about 5, ok, maybe more like 10 years ago, I was somewhat “fit”.  Hmmmm.  Not so much, anymore.  My muscles are exactly like a piece of dried up, compact, flatulence flubber.  In it’s “hey day”, they were quite the smooth gift.  Now, my muscles seem more like flatulence flubber after being left out and unused for some time.  Hard, immobile, compact, and a waste…something that you step on and immediately look at, and shake your head, while picking it up and sending it straight to the trash, which, by the way, is exactly what I began to do.  That is, til I realized, the flatulence flubber, is me…in a sense.  It was once smooth, new, and entertaining.  Now it was all old, dried up, no fun at all anymore.  NO!!!  There had to be a way to redeem this dried up flubber.

So, after much thought, I called on some good ol’ olive oil.  Hey, what do ya know, a little olive oil brought that dried up flatulence flubber right back to life.

Moral of the story…Number 11 is gonna take a lot of work.  But, I’m not too old and dried up quite yet to complete this task.  It’s just gonna take a little work to get my muscles, and myself going again.  And, a little olive oil won’t hurt either J

Sunday, January 2, 2011

My Quest

I have a great, I mean, GREAT life.  But, at the tender age of 29,   I’ve come to the realization that although my life is full, it’s not fulfilled.   This realization came after being a crying passenger in a car bound for Helena, my new found home. 

After 6 months of living in Helena, I can honestly say, this is where Jack and I are meant to be.  But, I have to admit, I do get a little homesick at times.  A couple of weeks ago my “modern family” made the familiar trip back home to Helena, after visiting family and friends in Auburn.  I suddenly realized how much I miss my life in Auburn.  Not because my life isn’t great in Helena.  It is.  It’s more than great.  For the first time, I feel like everything is right!  I think because I came to this conclusion, I began to think about me, which is something I haven’t done in quite some time. 

That sounds bad…let me explain.  For so long, I have been a mom, a single mom.  My life has centered around Jack, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!  But, like most moms, not just single moms, I lost myself some in the process.  I worked, cooked, cleaned, read books, wiped boogers (which by the way, is true love, cause boogers make me seriously gag!).  Fast forward several years to when I meet Will, my best friend.  Luckily he looks like Kurt Cobain too.  We fall in love, yada yada, and decide to shack up.  Let me just say, Will and Jack are the best things in this world, so the two of them together, under one roof, with me…couldn’t be a sweeter life.  Because my life is so great, I started wanting more.  It’s kinda like the way Jack views ranch dressing.  It started out as just a dressing, but turned into so much more!  He loves ranch dressing so much, he wants it on pizza, fries, twinkies (gag again).  That’s how I view this revelation.  I love my life so much, I want even more.  I want to be fulfilled completely.  I have a son that is my life and I’ve found my soul mate.  Now, I want the rest of my “wants”. 

Back to the car ride where I started crying, and probably freaked Will out a bit.  I started thinking of how much I missed feeling needed.  Now that Jack’s getting older, and Will helps me SO much, I thought I wasn’t needed as much.  I talked to Will about everything, and how I felt like I didn’t really have a life outside of being mom and super duper, hot, sexy, funny live-in girlfriend.  He made the suggestion that maybe I needed to do more for “me”, do things that fulfilled me. 

Because I’m such a super smart human being, I only surround myself with those like me.  Will started this craze, with the whole, “doing things to fulfill me” thing, and my female best friend Kristin continued the trend of smart ideas.  She told me how she was going to make this list of 29 things to do before she was 30.  What??!!  That’s perfect.  You mean, like traveling around the world?  Yeah, not gonna realistically fit into anyone’s life that has responsibility, right?  More like, shooting a roman candle out of my hand type stuff, is what I’m thinkin.  I’ll have a few things that are a little more exciting, of course, but it’s my list, so I want to do things for me!  Things I’ve never done, and have always wanted to.  Ya know, little things that may mean nothing to some, and big things that may mean the world to others. 

So, here’s the plan.  I have my list of 29 things to finish before my 30th birthday on December 7th, 2011.  I’ve got less than a year to do it, but I am determined to finish.  I’ll share my experiences here, and try to post pictures of me completing a number on my list, starting, failing, or whatever.   I really am excited about doing this, and I think it will be something I’ll remember forever, as cheesy as that sounds.  Wish me luck! 

"The List"
1.   Watch the Kentucky Derby in a big hat and a sundress
2.   Catch, clean, and cook a fish
3.   Eat at a restaurant that has been featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives
4.   Have my palm read
5.   Skydive
6.   Stand on the Continental Divide
7.   Wear stilettos to dinner
8.   Cook a French meal
9.   Have a slumber party
10. Drive on a busy interstate for 29 minutes (for those of you who know me, this is the scariest thing on the list)
11.  Do a split
12.  Learn to play golf
13.  Eat cavier
14.  Learn to drive a stick shift
15.  Crochet a scarf
16.  Read 11 Pulitzer Prize winning books
17.  Start a blog (Boo Yah...done!)
18.  Eat 29 different types of sushi
19.  Learn to Rhumba
20.  Get Bobby Flay's autograph
21.  Change someone's life
22.  Go "all in" on a bet
23.  Host a dinner party
24.  Watch a sunrise
25.  Learn to use a pogo stick
26.  Learn all the words and karaoke to Spacehog's "In the Meantime"
27.  Snow ski
28.  Fire a pistol
29.  Play keno with my dad